follow up to my last post

Thanks so everyone to commented or left messages about my last, rambling post. Remind me not to open tumblr when I’m drinking wine.

Let me just say that we have been debating this one for awhile. We are leaning towards having another, but sometimes I wonder what’s so bad about having just one. I hear the sibling argument, and I get it. I LOVED having older brothers even though they were half brothers and 5-7 years older. We hung out a lot and played together, etc.

However, I also know how hard it was for my parents. Those years weren’t easy for them. Kids are hard work and as an adult, I can now see all the other factors that go into the decision.

There is so much more to think about for us. We don’t live by any of our family, so we have no help. We would also have to eventually sell our house, because while it would work for a few years, it just would not be big enough for two growing kids. We are also not comfortable with the Philadelphia public school district and can’t afford private school for one kid, let alone two.

Oh, and the cost of daycare (which is hard to swing now for one) as well as after school care after they start school, summer camp, etc, because there is no way we can afford to have another kid and me not work. We are doing ok financially, but it would definitely be harder with two. I don’t know how a lot of people do it.

Then, there are selfish reasons: my running, my photography business, wanting to travel, marital strain with another kid, etc. People may think I’m being selfish for considering these things, but I think they should be considered. It is my life, after all. I love Q more than life itself, but eventually she will be off on her own and after that, Jeremy and I need to make sure we have made the right decisions together that will affect the rest of our lives. I have seen quite a few marriages crumble under the pressure of having children. Of course, I think we would be fine, but I’m sure those other families did too.

And there is the fact that I must be a freak of female nature because I seriously have no desire to go through pregnancy again. I just don’t have the “baby fever” that all you other women keep talking about. Sometimes, I just wish someone would hand me a 6 month old who was already gestated, born, nursed and sleeping through the night, so I can just skip all that stuff. That seems reasonable, right?

Of course, these are decisions that any family goes through when figuring out if they want to expand their family. I know we’re no different. Somehow, putting it all out there seems to make it easier to digest.

I love the idea of Quinn having a sibling, I really do. I also love the idea of her being an only child and being really close with us, traveling the world with us, us being able to help her with things she needs or wants because financially, it would be easier, etc. (By the way, I know a ton of very well-adjusted, non-spoiled, only children, so that argument means nothing to me). I know that once we make the decision one way or another, we will be fine with it. Until then, I’ll just keep drinking wine and debating in my head.

Of course, as my friend Mark pointed out, drinking wine is usually how baby number 2 comes along anyway. So yeah, we’ll see.

random questions while finishing wine

Sooo…should we have a 2nd child? This is something we seem to go back and forth with.

Don’t just answer blindly. If you have or are expecting more than one, what made you decide to do it other than “you just wanted to” or “whoops, it accidentally happened.” I need good reasons with plans carefully laid out.

If you only have one, what made you decide to only have one child in your family? 

We want Quinn to have a sibling here (she has a brother who lives in California but we’re not sure if they will ever spend much time together). It would be great for her to grow up in a home with a sibling: someone to learn with and from, someone to play with, someone to inspire, someone to play hide-and-seek with…

But, I also know how having siblings can be a bit of a letdown. I have two older half-brothers who I love and have wonderful memories with, but as adults, we barely know one another. It’s sad and honestly, a bit depressing. It’s hard to justify as an adult, even though I have so many wonderful memories as a child, how much my half brothers mean to me. But, at the end of the day, I have so many great memories and instances that make me who I am. All because of my brothers.

Jeremy doesn’t understand this. He sees a family that argues or misunderstands one another. He was an only child.

It’s easy to  blame Jeremy for the lack of excitement of a sibling for Quinn, but to be honest,  I have had ZERO desire to have another kid since she was born. She wasn’t a horrible newborn, but it wasn’t easy by any means. I always thought I wanted a million kids, but after Quinn was born, I just never had the desire again to go through it all again. There are a million different reasons why (our past pregnancy induduced mishaps) but in the end, if I REALLY wanted another kid, I would have overlooked all that (the fear of losing another pergnancy, the fear of having another baby with a severe birth defect because of my old age) - I know I sound paranoid but it’s happened in the past.  It’s all just too hard.

Soooooo….basically I would LOVE to hear from anyone. Your opinion will not change a decision we have or have not made, but it will give us different options to think about. I am interested in all opinions: one kid, two kids, 5 kids…thanks in advance for your ideas, thoughts and making all our major life decisions for us…

And please don’t make it a public forum to argue. Every opinion is valid, I would love to hear them all. 

Thanks in advance.

A mother of one and scared to go further.

toddler potty suggestions?

Anyone have a preference or are they all the same?